Tuesday, March 22, 2011

March 21st, 2011




is the day that Macie was diagnosed with Autism. My daughter is Autistic. It stings to type that. It's a step in the right direction though. I am still not able to say the words. It's not that I am denying it, or that I don't believe it.....it's just hard to form the words and say out loud.

I have so much more to talk about, and I will. I just need some time to process this. I will blog more about her diagnosis, and the process when I can organize my thoughts a bit better. I want to talk about it, and I know a lot of you have questions. We very much appreciate everyone reaching out to us yesterday. It's so hard to talk about right now without crying, and I hope that you all know that we just need some time to process this as a family.

This little purple folder has changed our lives forever.

I know that Macie is still Macie. I know that we still love her the same, maybe even more if that's possible, but our lives feel like they've been turned upside down. I know things "could be worse", but in our eyes, at this moment, they can't be worse. I'm guessing that feeling this way is part of the "grieving" process.









Thursday, March 17, 2011

A Piece of Paper

We have an appointment to take Macie for her Medical Diagnosis on Monday, March 21st.
She is being evaluated at 10:30 by a team of 5 professionals. There is an OT, DT, ST, Pediatric Psychologist, and a Developmental Pediatrician. They will "observe" her for about an hour, then they meet for about a half hour to discuss, and document their "findings". Then they meet with Phil and I to discuss their findings/evaluations. They may or may not have an official diagnosis at that time. The woman I spoke to yesterday told me "Macie is very young, and they may not be able to diagnose her right now." I was asked "do you want a diagnosis?". I honestly did not know how to answer that. Then I began questioning if we should have this done or not. Do I want a diagnosis? Well.....No, no parent wants their child diagnosed with a disability. Do I want a diagnosis? Well......yes, I want to know what we're dealing with here. I want to put a name to it, for my own sake. It may come off as selfish to want this, but I don't care if it seems that way. This appointment, and the outcome do not affect any therapy that Macie is receiving now. It does not affect her in any way when she goes to school in September. It's a piece of paper that might give us a more concrete explanation on what is going on with Macie. It's a piece to the puzzle I guess.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Bear with me

I have not one single organized thought it my head today.
These are the things that are rattling around in my brain today.....

How long do refrigerators typically last? Ours is 4 1/2 years old. I've hated it since the day we got it, but I don't want it to be on the fritz already. We have too many other things to replace right now. I pulled a water out from the top shelf, and it's a water slushy. Nothing on the other shelves is frozen. This hasn't happened before.

There is a cardinal in our yard as I type. Spring is getting here slowly!

I do not want to work at my evening job anymore. I get home late, and don't make much money. I don't mind working, and contributing, but it's awful to "work" all day and then have to go to another job.

I actually get a little excited when Macie shows jealousy towards Emma. It's not for selfish reasons (such as.....awwww look, they both want Mommy), it just reminds me that Macie is making progress, and she is showing emotion more and more everyday.

I ask the question every.single.day- "why me?". I wouldn't have it any other way, but on the hard days I have that very question....then I feel guilty for wondering.

I analyze EVERY move Emma makes....looking for a sign that something is "off" with her too. Do I get her evaluated, or do I wait?

I want to be that parent that complains about their kids talking their ears off. I am so jealous, and sad. When we are driving in the car I plead with Macie to have a conversation with me. She smiles at me, and continues to look out the window. I still talk her ear off, and I sing to her, but I want her to talk back to me! Silence is NOT golden around here!

And HERE is where I would like to be someday. I literally just got this link to this blog as I was typing this post. Coincidence???? I'll stop here, and go take a pill! You might need one too after reading this. Welcome to my head.....EVERY.SINGLE.DAY! You may make a brief visit once in a while, but I don't recommend staying long.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Amazing



Yesterday Macie had the "Marathon therapy day". She had speech at 10:30, OT at 1:00, then DT at 5:00. She did AWESOME! When the OT was packing up and getting ready to go, I was wiping tears of joy from my eyes, and she said "it's days like this that remind me why I do what I do."!
Macie has been doing very well in therapy all along, but yesterday was different. It was a breakthrough day for her. Macie actually initiated play with the therapist, she referenced her while playing, and she allowed the therapist to touch her through most of the hour. After Macie was done with her dance party, and letting the therapist pick her up into the air, she sat down on the floor. The therapist had 12 rings, 6 colors (2 of each). Macie went over to them and paired them up by color, and placed them in a row on the floor! I could hardly believe my eyes. I am constantly working with her on colors, numbers, alphabet, but always have the thought in the back of my mind that she's just "not getting it". I hate having those thoughts, but I can't help it. Despite the thoughts, I keep going and keep teaching her, and reading to her, etc. I was so proud of her, shocked, and amazed all at the same time. We celebrated all day....we're still celebrating!

Then DT came at 5:00. I had a feeling that Macie would pretty much be done by this point, but wanted to give this schedule a shot. The therapist had to move our appt. from Tuesdays to Mondays. This meant that she would have THREE hours of therapy on Mondays. I was nervous she would be too tired, hungry, etc. She did amazing with her too. The therapist has a Candy Land Bingo game. Macie picked out the Green Gingerbread Girl game piece first. She waited and took her turn, AND when the pieces came out of the gingerbread house she matched them by color and shape on the board!!!! She got each and every one of them right!
We are two extremely proud, happy parents!!! She has been "different" the past two weeks. She is more focused, attentive, playful, calm, loving, happy, etc. She loves playing in front of a mirror and checking herself out, she loves playing in her room and having dance parties with Mommy and Emma. I asked her yesterday if she wanted to draw with the blue, or green marker and she said "blue".

This is all HUGE!




Thursday, March 10, 2011

Macie's 2 1/2 Year Check up

Wow..... TWO AND A HALF??? How did that happen?

We took both the girls today to have follow up checks on their ears. Both are fine, and clear!

Macie's stats

Weight - 33lbs. (90th percentile) Advice from Dr. "watch the snacks".
Height - 35 inches (90th percentile)

Both are surprising since I thought she was "thinning out", and height isn't on either side! She's losing the cute little leg rolls, and that's kinda sad!

Emma's One Year Pictures

There are tons, but here are just a few.
I like them, but Kim does a WAY better job!!!!











Monday, March 7, 2011

Monday Madness

Silly Face
She looks so grown up in this picture- sniff sniff





I've taken a little break from blogging lately, and I feel a little unorganized when I try to sit down and do a new blog. With that said, I am just going to make this a random post. And.....it's now Wednesday and I am just getting around to writing some more on this blog.

My Mom had back surgery on Thursday, February 24th. Unfortunately she is still in the hospital, but getting better, and stronger everyday. We very much appreciate all the calls, e-mails, cards, flowers, gifts, prayers, and positive thoughts everyone has given! She did come home last night, and is doing well- YAY!

Macie started with her new speech therapist, and she is wonderful. She has seen a lot of progress from Macie in just 4 short sessions. I have also seen some changes in Macie, and it makes my Mommy heart smile! The therapist has given me a ton of "homework", but I know it's all for the good so I am doing it very willingly!

Emma is walking a lot more now. She gets the jelly legs quite often, but she's getting good. She never stops "talking". She now says "buh bye, dog, hi dada, done, O's, bubble, ba ba, ki ki, baby". She NEVER gives up on trying to play with Macie. Macie kicks her, hits her, pushes her down, and Emma just keeps going back for more. There are a few times I catch them playing together, drawing together, holding hands, but it's always short lived.

We decided not to go with the team at Children's Memorial to do Macie's Medical Diagnosis. After talking to many people, we felt that Illinois Masonic was a better option for all of us. I am still waiting to hear from them to schedule her appointment. They are about 2 months out with appointments, and I am ok with that. I know in my heart what the diagnosis is, we just have to make it "official" I guess.

Both girls have been sick on and off FOREVER!!! I am sick of taking them to the Dr., I am sick of boogers, sick of them being miserable, and I am sick of this crappy weather. Can't wait to be outside more! They both have a check up for their ear infections tomorrow. Hopefully they are cleared up!

I signed up for Weight Watchers again. It was very successful for me the first time around so I decided to do it again. I lost 2.5lbs this first week- yippee! I am doing it all online this time around and it's really great. I can track everything, get recipes, etc. I got rid of my gym membership, it's just too hard for me to find time to go. I do workouts at home, and it's just perfect for me! My goal is to lose about 15ish more pounds.


Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Get better soon Grandma!

I keep trying to mail Macie to the hospital, but they keep sending her back!

We sure miss you tons!!!

Friday, February 18, 2011

The Bad, and the Ugly.....there's no good here!

Emma got a glimpse of the bags under her eyes this morning. She was up twice in the night. Seems she can't bear to look at herself. I feel her pain.



Of course Macie is sick again. Look at her, it's so pathetic. I feel bad for her!


Thursday, February 17, 2011

This N That

I am SO over winter, and germs, and sick kids. Macie is sick AGAIN which means Emma is soon to follow. Emma feels the need to chew on everything that's been near Macie so I guarantee right when Macie is better, Emma will get sick. Poor Macie has a little fever, and a BIG cough. So big that she poops herself when she coughs. I lubed up her feet with Vicks, put some socks on, got the mister going in her room and it all seemed to help her sleep.
The super sucky thing about all the sickness flying around here.....Macie is missing a ton of therapy. Whenever she is sick I always call her therapists and give them a "heads up" that she is sick, and they generally decide to reschedule. I certainly understand, and I wish I could reschedule too!!! I'm the first to admit that a break from therapy is good sometimes, but this is getting crazy. I know she's not regressing at all, but I still feel like she's "missing out". She only has 7 months left with Early Intervention, and that makes me nervous!
Emma is so close to walking, but I think I was saying that about Macie when she was a year old. I can't for the life of me get a video of it either. I bust out the camera, and she freezes. Their love of the camera comes from my side! Emma thinks dropping things from her high chair onto the kitchen floor is great fun. I am trying to teach her to say "uh oh" when she does it. Phil and I swear she says "ah shit". Makes sense!!! I don't care if my kids talk like truck drivers, we just want them to talk.
I desperately need to get Emma her 1 year pictures, but just can't seem to find time. I know I will regret it if I don't get them. I just finally ordered the last ones that Kim did (she took them months ago)....I am a terrible Mommy.
A week from today my Mom is having some pretty major surgery. If you read this blog could you please say a prayer for her. We appreciate it!


She definitely has mastered "The Look".



This is how Emma looks in almost every picture I take of her. She will see the little orange light before the flash comes and she closes her eyes. Little bugger.In jail on Valentine's Day.......

Never a dull moment with "The Face". She found lots of enjoyment in playing in the bathroom sink.

Emma LOVES her new baby, and pack and play from Uncle Joe, Auntie Sam, and Joey!

Monday, February 14, 2011

Emma's First Birthday Party

We had Emma's first birthday party this past Saturday at Connie's Pizza in Naperville. It really turned out great. Thank you so much to all those that were able to make it to her party, and for your very generous gifts. She got lots of toys, great books, and a ton of very cute outfits!!! She is all set for Spring and Summer!













Friday, February 11, 2011

Emma- 1 Year stats

Height 30 3/4"- 90th percentile

Weight 22 lbs. - 75th percentile

Head 18 1/2" - 90th percentile

She had the pneumonia vaccine today, and she is NOT happy about it!!!

We are doing delayed vaccinations with Emma as well, and the nurse practitioner was "high pressure" today about us not doing all the vaccines. She claims she "must" have all of them by 15 months. I'm sorry, but last time I checked I was Emma's Mommy, not her! So frustrating, and now I am grumpy. That's a post for another day.

Emma's ear infection is all cleared up too. She's healthy, and cute!

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Emma

Took some pictures of Emma today, and wanted to share. I look at her and can't believe she is a year old. She still seems so small to me!!! Look at those toes.....totally edible.






Wednesday, February 9, 2011

The Face


She's just so cute, I had to post a picture!!!!

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Macie

I don't want to take away from your sister turning a year old today, but something is "different" with you these past few days. I can't put my finger on it, and I don't want to over analyze the situation, but it's wonderful. Not that you weren't wonderful before......but you are so much more calm, focused and interactive.
We went to your cousin Joey's 2nd birthday party on Saturday and you were so good. You played with the other kids, minimal climbing.
Sunday we went to Grandma and Papa's house for Papa's b-day and Superbowl and you were amazing again. You played a ton with Katie and Ryan, and again....minimal climbing.
You have come up to me several times and given me hugs and kisses without me even having to ask.
You went pee pee on the potty again today when you got up. You were so proud of yourself and you got a kick out of Mommy's "potty dance"!!!
When I went in your room this morning you looked at me in a way I haven't seen in quite some time. I can't really describe it, but it made my heart smile!
You have gone almost the whole day without handing me the remote and asking for "Gabba Gabba", and have been playing all day. You only whined once, and that's because I tried to slip you some soy milk in your sippy.
It's probably a combo of you growing, learning, and maturing as well as your tummy feeling better since being off dairy and eggs for two weeks now!

Emma Diane is ONE!!!

Dear Emma-

Happy Birthday little one. You are a year old today, and I just can't quite wrap my brain around it yet. One year ago today I was getting ready to go to a routine Dr. appointment to hear your little heart beat, and check things out. I had been having contractions for a few days, and just knew you were trying to make your debut. I found out at that appointment that we were going to meet you in 4 days if you didn't decide to come on your own. You must have sensed my excitement to meet you because you only waited a few hours to really make your presence known. I called Daddy, and told him he should head home since I was pretty sure we would be heading to the hospital shortly.
Even though we had been through this before, it was different, and exciting. We couldn't wait to meet you, and count all your fingers and toes. At 11:06pm it was time for Mommy to start pushing, and at 11:15pm you were born. You were beautiful, and perfect, and LOUD!!!!
You definitely wanted everyone to know you were here, and that hasn't changed a bit!!! I was able to hold you immediately, and it was love at first sight!
This year just seemed to go so fast. Before we knew it you were rolling over, crawling, babbling, standing, and now trying to walk. It's so fun to watch you grow, but it just seems to happen so fast and I wish I could bottle it.
You have been such a joy in our lives this past year. We can't wait to see what the next year brings!!!

Love you "Little's"

Mommy




Thursday, February 3, 2011

Thank you


We still work on sign language with Macie all the time. I am always trying to teach her to say "please", and "thank you". Today when Phil got home from work Macie was trying very hard to get us to turn on Yo Gabba Gabba. Phil told her if she sat on her butt on the couch he would turn it on. She grabbed her blankie and got up on the couch so Phil got the remote. I did the sign for "thank you", and holy cow......so did Macie, and then she followed it up with a verbal "thank you".
We were so proud!!!!
This was right after she did the sign, she was still working on it.

A lot of randomness

I was going to go on a blogging frenzy today, but then I snapped back to reality. I already take a whole day to do a blog so how I thought I could do a whole bunch today is beyond me.
So....this post is going to be a lot of random things from the past week or so.
The most exciting news first- Macie will be starting school pretty much the day after her third birthday. I was worried she would have to wait almost a whole year since she misses the cut off. Because she is receiving services through Early Intervention, she is qualified to start the day after she turns three. Macie's developmental therapist also told me that the preschool Macie will be going to is amazing. I also found out we are in district 204 which is awesome. I thought for some reason we were in 203. 203 is good too, but the preschool in 204 is WAY better.
Since meeting with the nutritionist for Macie, she has been dairy free for a week and a half. I think she is more focused, more talkative, her frustration level has gone WAY down, she's had solid poops, and her meltdowns are just "normal" two year old fits. I can't help but think that she has an intolerance to dairy and it makes her feel crummy. I know when I don't feel good I am in a horrible mood. So her tummy hurting coupled with not being able to tell us what's bothering her makes it very difficult around here!
When the snow started on Tuesday Macie seemed very curious about it. She has not been a fan of going outside to play in the cold and snow. I believe a majority of the problem is having all the clothes on to go outside. Yesterday we decided to give it a shot, and get her outside. We bundled her up quickly and headed outside. At first she was not happy about having all the gear on, but I got her outside, put her on her sled, and she had a blast. She rode around on the sled for a bit, but then was curious about all the snow and wanted to walk around in it. I was so annoyed....I got the camera out to take pictures, and the batteries died. She looked so cute!

Emma has her first ear infection. She had a little cold all of last week. No fever, just a lot of boogs, coughing, and sneezing. She was a little fussy, and not eating much of her bottles for a few days. She is never fussy unless she's hungry or wet so I thought something was up. She was also waking up every night at 10:30 and fussing. I decided to call the Dr. before the big storm hit because I was sure she would get worse when we were not able to leave the house. Good thing we took her in since she does have an ear infection. It's not bad, but they did prescribe antibiotics. I'm rather certain we will be contacting the show Intervention because Emma LOVES her meds. When I take it out of the fridge she gets giddy, and I can not get it to her mouth fast enough. Yuck! After a few days of crack... I mean antibiotics......she is almost back to her old self. I also realize that I really took her disposition for granted. She is such a good baby, and so laid back.

We are almost finished painting. It's very hard to paint with two little ones running around. We have to keep doing it in small spurts. The living room is done, and now we just have the stairway and hallway upstairs to do. I love the color, but now that it's almost done I am wondering if it's too dark. I'll just have to get more lighting for the living room maybe to brighten it up a bit. Now to decide what, and where to hang stuff on the walls. Phil got a wall mount for our TV so that will be first to go up. Have a feeling our girls will be learning some colorful words when we put that up!




Naps have been rather interesting around here lately for both Macie and Emma. I'm not gonna lie, I need them to nap. I need them to nap for my own sanity, to get things done around here, and if they nap that equals a less crabby kid at the end of the day. I think they are both in "transition". Macie could go without a nap, and I think she would be ok. She gets a bit cranky by 6pm if she doesn't have one, but it's not always unbearable. I still have her nap pretty much everyday because I think with all the therapy she needs to "rest" her body and her mind. Most days she will play in her room for an hour before finally passing out. Emma was on the two nap schedule- one at 9am, and one at 1pm. Now she isn't tired until 10am, and when I do put her down for the AM nap, she only sleeps about 45 min. to an hour. Her PM naps are around 1:30ish, but it takes her FOREVER to fall asleep. Yesterday she had one nap around 12:30, she slept until about 2:30, but was pretty cranky and tired around 6:00. So the transition for both of them is confusing me a bit, and I am thinking about dreadlocks since showering is getting challenging as well. I would love to put both of them in their rooms to play and then go shower, but I can't. Macie has pretty much destroyed her room. She has chewed most of her books, and is slowly snacking on her blinds. She moves furniture and toys to make step stools so she can climb on her dresser. I can't really enjoy a shower when I am afraid she's going to fall and break her neck, or choke on a page from Goodnight Moon! I did get a shower in today since Phil was home in the morning. Macie just fell asleep finally, and guess who's up from her AM nap? Again....I am not gonna lie, an "are you freaking serious?" came out of my mouth when I heard Emma turn on her crib toy to signal she's up! I don't remember when Macie transitioned to just one nap a day, but I do know it wasn't this early! I swear Emma just looked straight into the camera and said "I know you know I'm up, and you better come get me." Ok, maybe she just said it with her eyes.