Question 2

How are you and Phil doing/feeling?

The answer to this could turn into a really long post. I will try my best to summarize.

We are doing ok.
I think we are having difficulty sorting out our feelings. Some of the emotions that are surfacing are confusing. The first emotion for both of us was sadness. We feel selfish for feeling sad. Sadness is often felt when something, or someone is "lost". We almost feel like we are in mourning. We didn't "lose" Macie. She is still "The Face", but we most certainly are mourning the loss of hope that she would not get this diagnosis. We are mourning the loss of a "normal" life for Macie. I say "normal" because there is no cure for Autism, no one knows how and why it happens, and this is something Macie will struggle with her entire life. I feel like we have been taken out to the middle of the jungle and dropped off with no map, no compass, no food, and no water. We were given this diagnosis, but were left with so many unanswered questions. We were left to kind of figure it out on our own. Where is she on the spectrum? Will she ever talk in sentences? Will she ever read or write? Will she ever make friends, go to college, get married. Will we ever hear her say "I love you", and know the meaning behind it. We have no idea, and it's scary and heartbreaking. (I do have hope though- please ready Kim's comment under "Question 1 post")
Maybe it sounds harsh to some that I say we are in "mourning", but I want to be honest and candid along this journey. If I am honest and candid, I just may be able to help someone else, and in the process help us.
We are also angry. Why us? What did we do wrong? We are her Mommy and Daddy, and we couldn't protect her from this. It's our job as parents to protect our kids, and we feel we failed at that. There is no concrete answer to the diagnosis so why wouldn't we blame ourselves?
Every day gets better, and every day we have different feelings.
We'll get through this. We have to. We want to.